Monday, June 9, 2014

Too many times have i walked home with tears dimmed eyes shrouded with sadness.

I keep telling myself it will improve, things will get better but it's been half a year.
Tolerating Tolerating Tolerating.
I always felt a constant sense of loneliness in this relationship. This thick invisible wall between us. This lack of communications, lack of care.
I'm a really chatty soul. A really excessively happy hyper girl till recently. I don't like the current Doreen whereby she's surrounded by negative troubled thoughts.
I can come up with endless topics to talk to anyone but why do i feel so shut off from your world?
Running pose as a good distraction but how long can i run away from this?

I gave you this second chance in this relationship back then and i keep telling myself to make it work as well. But what am i suppose to do when all you do is look at social medias instead of me, telling me you're tired and wanna sleep when we're together while we already have really limited time together and those....one word replies whenever i try to communicate with you. I feel so avoided. Really.

I'm not sure if i should hold on anymore but I'm just drained mentally.
I rather do 5 marathons than face this kind of issues again. Oh wells, you're never supportive of my running lifestyle anyway. In fact you're seldom supportive of anything i do.
I don't want to face you. I want to face things WITH you.
‘I think we should stay as friends, so that i won’t take you for granted’

‘Lets make this relationship our first and last’
Those sentences that were mouthed in Bali. Is that still valid? Do you still remember? Cause its repeating in my mind every single day.
Those moments where i felt close to near death, you seem further than ever. I'm just really really disappointed.

I hope this is not a mistake. I just want someone who i can share my excessively positive attitude and be playful with... not one that trampled on my jolly spirits every single time.
Too much time, money and sadness have been wasted on this.
Thanks for the memories.

I know the end's coming soon.

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